All That Matters
by Dusk Falling
Summary: Catherine Willows had always been a strong, independant woman, but what happens when she loses all that matters to her? Can she recover? And who will be there to pick up the pieces? C/S
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, but I promise to put them back exactly as I found them when I'm done.**

_ A/N: Well, a few people asked for a sequel/continuation "Shattered", my other Cath/Sara fic, so I guess you could think of this as just that. This was just an idea that wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it. I started it a few months ago…and I guess I just forgot about it XD It's the first multi-chap fic I've ever actually posted, so I'm sorry if it kinda sucks. Anyway, this first chapter is in Catherine's POV, but most of them will probably be from Sara's because…well, it's just easier for me to write from her POV XD_

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_"Cath…"_

"_Catherine."_

"Catherine!" Nick all but shouted in my ear.

"Sorry, what?" I replied, shaking myself mentally.

"I said I'm gonna take this back to the lab. Think you can finish up here?" He repeated for what probably seemed like the hundredth time in the last five minutes.

"Oh. Yeah."

"…You alright?" He asked.

"I'm fine." I answered rather unconvincingly.

He gave me an odd look for a moment before nodding, though still unsure. "Alright."

I watched as he carefully stepped over the small pool of blood and out the front door of what had once been the home of a once-happy family. Now, however, it was the origin of a young girl's ghosts.

With that thought, my mind once again drifted to Sara, as it seemed to do so often nowadays. I would like to blame this on the case we were working on—it was the case of a woman who killed her abusive husband in front of their nine-year-old daughter—but I knew I couldn't. What was my excuse every other time?

An hour passed before I was finally loading the backseat of my Denali with bags of evidence and driving back to the lab. I almost felt bad for the lab rats, seeing how much work they had cut out for them. Of course, it wouldn't be incredibly important in the trial, considering they had an eyewitness and a confession. At least the trial would be a quick and (mostly) painless process. That poor girl had seen enough already without having to deal with that.

What would happen to her now? Her mother would likely be sent to a mental health institute and (obviously) her father couldn't take care of her. Not that I really considered what he did taking care of her.

Sighing, I parked the vehicle and got out, opening the back door and taking as many bags of evidence as I could with me back into the lab. "Need help?" Nick offered when he saw me, holding the door open for me.

"Thanks."

He nodded, taking the bags of evidence in my arms. I wondered why everyone was offering so much help lately, but didn't object as I returned to the Denali to retrieve the remaining evidence. I couldn't help but smile, remembering when Nick's car got stolen with all the evidence from the murder at a wedding in the back.

My mind, for what felt like the millionth time that week, traveled to Sara. Her words still echoed in the back of my mind. _"Can the love be real, when the flowers aren't?"_ I remembered wondering later if Grissom ever gave her flowers. Probably not. Probably bugs or at least books about insects, knowing him.

"Hey, Cath, did you find the bullet yet?" Nick asked me as I walked into the break room some time later.

"Bullet?" I repeated, staring at him blankly.

"Yeah. I thought I told you, the bullet is probably still in the car. I didn't find it at the scene and it's not in the vic." He clarified, but I still stared at him blankly for a moment before it finally registered what he was talking about. The bullet. The man had been shot in front of his car. I vaguely remembered Nick texting me asking me if I wanted to look for the bullet and me telling him I would before forgetting about it…

"Oh. No, I was just about to go look." I lied.

"You want some help?"

"I can handle it."

"Alright." He shrugged, standing from the sofa and brushing past me. I hoped he was going home to rest—we had both just pulled a double. If any of us needed sleep, it was probably me, but I knew I wouldn't sleep, so what was the point? Might as well stay busy working. Lindsey was at her friend's house, which I wasn't sure I was relieved about or not. I hadn't even seen her my daughter in almost a week and it occurred to me that I was doing the exact thing that I used to tease Sara about. When was the last time I even saw the inside of my house?

Sighing for what seemed like the millionth time, I slipped on a pair of gloves and stared at the car. If anything, I could at least say working kept my mind busy. So…where to start looking for the bullet? Probably under the hood somewhere… Oh, joy.

"Hey." A Texan's voice greeted me almost as soon as I had bent over the engine of the car, causing me to jump and hit my head on the hood.

"Ouch! Damn it, what the hell, Nicky?" I cursed, rubbing the back of my head as I straightened and turned to look at him.

"Sorry. You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. What do you need?"

"Just came to see if I could help." He answered sheepishly.

"Go home, Nick. You look like you could use some sleep." I sighed. His constant offers for help were starting to get on my nerves now. Was I really so out of it that I looked like I needed that much help? Well, probably, but that was beside the point.

"You sure?" He pressed and I nodded, trying to keep my temper in check. "Alright. Just call if you—"

"I got it, okay, Nicky?"

"Sorry." He apologized once again, standing in front of me awkwardly for a moment before turning to leave. He was only trying to help…

As soon as Nick was out of sight I turned back to the car. It was going to be a long night. Maybe I should have taken his offer… But no, I just had to be my stubborn self and do things on my own. Great choice, Catherine, great choice.

Not five minutes passed when I heard footsteps behind me again. I, assuming it was Nick yet again to bug me about letting him help me, didn't turn around to look. Even if it wasn't Nick, it was obvious I was busy. Couldn't they bother me some other time? It wasn't like it was incredibly hard to find me anyway, seeing as I was always here or at a crime scene.

"Catherine." A voice spoke and I froze. I would recognize that voice anywhere. That voice that I thought I would never hear again. I turned slowly to see the person I knew would be there.

"Sara…" The wind seemed to be knocked right out of me as I breathed the name I thought I would never have to say again. Stood before me, clad in jeans and a shirt I recognized as one I had bought, was Sara Sidle.

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_A/N: Sorry for the shortness of this chapter—and the next one, too—but I promise most of the others will be much longer._

_Anyway, thanks for reading :D Reviews are much loved—I need them to finish the next chapter (hint, hint)_


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, but maybe when I win the lottery half a dozen times I'll buy them.**

_A/N: I didn't expect so many people to add me to their alerts, as well as this story, so thank you guys SO much :D_

_Anyway, as I promised, this is from Sara's POV. It's extremely short again, but the next one will be longer. This is pretty much just what Sara was doing while Cath was at the crime scene and stuff. Again, I apologize for the horrible length of this. I wanted to get a few things in, but…I didn't know how to do it without putting more than I planned in. Sorry if that doesn't make any sense, it's pretty early here and I'm a bit out of it…_

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I didn't know how long I'd been sitting there, but it must have been quite a while, as the cab driver was now looking rather annoyed. I gave him an apologetic smile but said nothing more as I continued to stare out the window.

I'd been sitting in the cab across the street from the lab for a good couple of hours. Catherine and Nick were out in the field and I waited for them to return, which Nick did some time ago. Alone.

For a moment I'd worried that perhaps something had happened to her; maybe I should go in and ask? I decided against that, however. I didn't want to talk to anybody. The only person I wanted to see right now was Catherine and I was sure she was fine.

She returned about twenty minutes ago, and here I still sit, too afraid to go in but too masochistic to just walk away. To leave again.

It would be so easy to just walk away right now. Walk away and pretend that this never happened. It would be so easy to return to the life I had with Gil. I knew by being here I was breaking his heart, so why couldn't I just go back? What was wrong with living the rest of my life happily with him?

But I wasn't happy. I guessed that was why I was now standing outside the cab staring at the Las Vegas Crime Lab. I contemplated once again just walking away, but with each step I took closer to the lab, the more wrong that option felt.

I hesitated for a moment before pushing the glass doors of the lab open. I walked in, ignoring the stares and surprised looks from a few lab techs and people walking by. Brass stopped what he was doing by the front desk to look curiously up at me but I hardly noticed him.

From the corner of my eyes I could see Greg freeze in his lab as I walked by. A second later I heard the familiar sound of glass shattering as whatever he'd been holding slipped out of his grasp and came crashing to the floor.

How long had it been since I'd seen him? And still I didn't stop to talk to him. I didn't stop to talk to Nick as I passed him in the hall where he stopped to grin upon seeing me. I didn't stop to see how Hodges or Wendy were doing as I walked by their labs. None of it mattered to me. The only person I wanted to see now was Catherine. Everything else could wait.

My pace slowed as I neared my destination. What would I say? How would she react? Would she hate me for leaving like I did? She had ever right to.

I came to a stop just outside the door, which was wide open. She didn't seem to notice me, which I guess could be a good thing. It meant I could still walk away. As long I'd been sitting in the cab, I still hadn't thought about what to say or do. So instead, I stood there staring. She was just as beautiful as the day I'd met her, even in a jumpsuit with her back to me. After what must have been at least a few minutes, I hesitantly took a few steps closer.

"Catherine." I spoke in a voice I hardly recognized as my own.

She froze. I once again considered making a run for it, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Even if she rejected me, I could still get in a proper goodbye. I could still get one last look at her perfect face to hold on to. At least then it would be easier for me to go. It would be easier for me to go back to Gil and pretend like nothing happened, that my heart was really with him. To just know that I wouldn't burden her anymore would be enough.

She slowly turned and the broken expression on her face as she breathed my name shattered any plan of leaving her again.

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_A/N: Okay, I know that chapter sucked and was way too short, but, as I said, the next one will be much longer and hopefully better. I probably won't get that one up as fast, but your reviews will help! (hint, hint) And again, a huge thanks to everyone who's already read, reviewed, favourited and alerted this! It means a lot :)_


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, but if I did…err…[insert clever remark here]**

_A/N: Well, this was originally going to be Catherine's POV and her reaction to Sara's return (I know that's what most of you've been waiting for), but I decided to hold that off for another chapter or two. I went back and read "Shattered", which is sort of what I'd originally planned on setting this story after, and realized that I'd left a lot of gaps, so this is…I guess just filling in a few. Oh, and sorry it took so long to update. I think I already mentioned it, but I'm moving again (roughly 1400 miles this time and I'm driving again…joy, oh joy), so it may be a while before I update again. Anyway, I'm done ranting now…_

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An insistent pounding on my front door wakes me from the first good night's—or day's, I suppose—sleep I'd gotten in nearly a week. I growl as I stand up, followed by a string of curses. Whoever the hell was at my door was going to be sorry. Don't people know not to go pounding on someone's door at…I glanced at the clock—4 in the afternoon?

I found myself hoping it was a Girl Scout or something—I would take pleasure in being mean to them, at least. I swear, if it's Grissom or Nick or Greg or someone again because all my phones are off, I'm going to kill them and dispose of the body where _nobody_ will ever find them.

My thoughts freeze there, however, as I swung the door open. Sara was standing there looking somewhat guilty and quite frankly downright depressed. I do what I'm certain is a perfect imitation of a fish out of water a few times before she speaks.

"I'm sorry." She said, sounding almost desperate. I didn't know whether to yell at her and slam the door in her face or hug her and tell her everything was going to be all right. So instead, I stepped aside to let her in. I closed the door behind her and motioned for her to sit, though she didn't.

"I didn't mean to…I'm sorry." She mumbled again. "I told Ecklie I wasn't going to apologize."

"Don't worry, I won't tell." I said and she smiled slightly.

"I really am sorry, Catherine." She said, "I was out of line. I shouldn't have said those things to you, I didn't… Damn it."

"It's okay, Sara. Really, don't worry about it." I assured her. She looked up at me again from the floor, looking possibly more broken than I could've ever imagined. I realized then that she was soaking wet—it'd been raining since early this morning before I got off work.

"Wait here. Let me get you something dry to wear, then we can talk." I stated. To my surprise, she nodded. I was almost expecting her to take off with some bad excuse, but she didn't. When I returned with an over-sized t-shirt and sweatpants, she was still there.

"Thanks." She said as I handed them to her.

I told her wear the bathroom was so she could change in privacy while I went in search of a towel. When I came back to the living room again, she was sitting on the sofa. I gently wrapped the towel around her and she smiled appreciatively at me. It was amazing that we'd had a fight only a few hours ago.

"I'm sorry, too." I said after a moment of comfortable silence. She glanced up at me like I had three heads. "I know how you get with domestic abuse cases—I shouldn't have let you go around to all those hospitals and go through all those reports."

She shook her head and sighed. "It wasn't your fault. I shouldn't have done it in the first place." She murmured.

"…I know you're probably uncomfortable talking about it, but why do you…" I trailed off, not sure how to put it.

"Go off the deep end?" She smiled slightly. I nodded, glancing away for a moment before returning my gaze to her. She sighed again. "It was so _easy_ to tell Grissom…"

"Oh… He said that he wasn't going to fire you, I guess…that's why?" I said after another moment of silence.

"Probably." She chuckled humorlessly. "He's the first person I've ever actually told, and even still…it was only to save my job."

"Oh."

We fell silent again before she finally spoke, "I'm sorry. I couldn't tell him everything, but…"

"Don't worry about it." I shook my head. It hurt to know that she could tell Grissom about whatever it was that happened to her to save her job but she couldn't tell me, even after we'd become so close over the past several months, but I didn't want to push her. If she didn't want to tell me, I wasn't going to make her.

"Cath…I want to tell you, but I just…I can't." She sighed again, "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing. It's okay, Sara." I assured her once more. I could see that she was struggling to keep the tears from falling and I gently put my arm around her. To my surprise, she moved closer, leaning against my shoulder.

-

It'd been two weeks since our rather public argument and Sara was back at work. Our relationship hadn't been nearly as rocky as I'm sure either of us were expecting—or the rest of the lab, for that fact. I wasn't quite sure what our relationship _was_ at the moment, but I was pleased with it for the time being.

"Are you even listening to me?" Greg sighed exasperatedly, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"No." I answered honestly, causing Nick to chuckle and Greg to pout.

"Hey, how's Sara, anyway, Cath?" Warrick asked as he stood to get another cup of coffee. I think we were all addicted to coffee by now—who wouldn't be when they worked the hours we did?

"Why would I know?" I responded, more curious as to why he thought I would know than irritated that his question caused the other two in the room to turn to me expectantly.

"I just thought you two were pretty tight now." He shrugged.

"Oh."

"So? Is she okay?" Greg persisted.

"Why wouldn't she be?"

"You didn't hear what happened at the mental-hospital?" He seemed shocked. I shook my head.

"Did she get hurt?" I asked, trying to keep the worry out of my voice. I think I failed, but I didn't really care at the moment.

"I think she's fine, but she won't talk to any of us." Nick answered with a shrug.

"Why didn't Grissom tell me?" I mumbled irritably, though I didn't wait for an answer as I hurried out of the room in search of Sara.

I found her exactly where I expected her to be—the locker room. She was sitting on a bench in front of her locker with her head in her hands, shaking slightly. My heart broke, knowing that she was hurt and I wasn't even there to do anything. I didn't even know until Warrick brought it up so casually. I was relieved beyond belief she was okay, but scared at the same time that she almost _wasn't _okay and I didn't even know.

"Hey." I said softly. She jumped slightly and looked up at me, hastily wiping her eyes.

"Hey." She replied somewhat coldly. I was taken aback for a moment but didn't let it bother me.

"Are you okay?"

"No." She answered simply and icily. I knew she hated the question and I knew I was just asking for a fight by asking it.

"Want to talk about it?" I offered, sitting down next to her. I was half surprised she didn't stand up and walk away or even inch further away.

"Not really." She muttered. I nodded. She'd tell me eventually, when she was ready.

We were silent for several minutes before she finally sighed, turned to me and said, "Being around crazy people makes me feel crazy."

"You're not crazy, Sara."

"Well, that's a better response than what I got from Grissom." She stated with a slight grimace. I raised a brow. "I told him the same thing and he wanted to take me off the case."

"How supportive." I chuckled. A small smile pulled at the corner of her lips and I grinned, pleased that she at least wasn't crying anymore.

"Catherine, I…I wanted him to die for what he did." She said after several minutes more of silence. For a moment, I thought she meant Grissom, but the distant look in her eyes told me she didn't.

"Who?" I inquired.

"…My father. I wished for it to happen _so_ many times, but never did I… I-I never thought it would actually happen."

"That doesn't mean it was your fault, Sara." I assured her softly.

"Catherine, he looked right at me…and he—he…" She broke into sobs and I moved closer, gently wrapping my arms around her. To my surprise, again she didn't pull back. Instead she returned the embrace, freely crying into my shoulder. I rubbed her back softly, trying to comfort her as best I could.

"I thought it was normal, the trips to the hospital, the yelling, the pain… And she—she just… Catherine, my mother killed my father."

I recognized the look in her eyes then. I had seen it too many times before. I had seen it in the eyes of children orphaned by blood spilled at the hands of the ones they loved. Now, staring at Sara, I finally realized why that look in her eyes was so hauntingly familiar.

"It's okay, baby. Just let it all out." I spoke softly. I was shocked to say the least, but I didn't let it show. She certainly didn't need that right now.

I held her as she cried for several more minutes until she regained her composure and pulled away from me. She wiped her eyes again, seeming unable to look at me.

"I'm sorry." She apologized quietly.

"Don't worry about it." I replied. She finally looked up at me, seeming surprised about something I wasn't sure.

"You're still here." She stated, looking at me like she expected me to start running for the hills.

"I would never just leave you like that." I promised.

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_A/N: Okay, so if anyone is confused, the first part is right after "Nesting Dolls". The second is right after "Committed". I changed the time line a bit for the purpose of the story (the difference from the original air dates was actually two months and 25 days), so I hope nobody minds. I kinda changed their relationship a bit, too, but…again, for the purpose of the story (that is why they call if fanfiction, after all XD). I hope it didn't suck too badly and it wasn't completely out of character. It might not seem necessary, but I thought it was. Anyway, I, again, apologize for the long wait and such a short chapter, but please, please, please review, they make me want to do the jig in my underwear on the top of my apartment building XD_


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, but if I did, Grissom would've left Vegas because Ecklie decided to fumigate the lab without telling him, effectively killing all his bugs XD (Thanks for the idea, **scuby**!)**

_A/N: I am so, so, SO sorry for such a long wait, I know most of you will probably have to go back and read the previous chapters (I know I had to) and I can't even really give you a good excuse other than my personal life is a mess right now and I've had a lot going on. I won't bore you with the details, as I'm sure I don't have many readers after such a long time, but I do apologize to anybody still reading. Anyway, this chapter takes place during/after "Weeping Willows".

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It was odd, spending time with Catherine and being so close. I always did go after emotionally unavailable people, which was true enough with Catherine, considering she was _the_ Catherine Willows—completely gorgeous and completely unattainable. Even if this wasn't true, however, I still wasn't used to being so close to anybody, to letting someone in. It made me uncomfortable, which was only made worse by the fact that I couldn't think of one reason _not_ to trust her.

I rounded the corner to find the object of my musings staring at Grissom's retreating form with a look I couldn't quite describe on her face. I was fairly certain I knew what was wrong—everyone had been treating her like _she_ was the suspect since they found out she kissed a suspect in a murder investigation. It turned out he was innocent, but that didn't change how they treated her. To be honest, I was pissed off at first, too.

"Everything alright?" I asked, knowing her answer already. She turned to me with a hurt look, which immediately changed to a cold one. Did she really think I blamed her, too?

"Just great, thanks." She snapped. I raised a brow, though I decided to just let it slide.

"Want to talk about it? I just closed a case, so—"

"Thanks, but I don't need you to tell me that I messed up, too." She cut me off.

"I'm trying to help, Cat! I don't blame you for wanting a bit of human contact once in a while. It's not your fault things turned out how they did." I said, trying to keep from sounding as angry as I felt at her for pushing me away.

She stared at me for a long moment before sighing, "Sorry."

I nodded. "Breakfast?"

She smiled slightly and nodded as well. I walked back to the locker room and grabbed my jacket before meeting Catherine at her car. She tossed me the keys and I got in the driver's side.

The drive to the diner was fairly silent, only talking about Lindsey, Greg's new apartment (he was throwing a party that Saturday that he expected us both to go to), movies that we wanted to see but knew we wouldn't, and just about anything else that had nothing to do with work.

"So what are you doing tomorrow?" I asked, trying to sound casual.

"Well, Grissom finally gave me the day off, but Linds is staying over at Ashley's house tonight and going with her to school tomorrow, so…I'm not sure." She shrugged.

"I'm going to Lake Mead tomorrow. Do you want to…come with me?" I offered, trying not to sound too anxious. She smiled slightly.

"I'd love to."

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_A/N: Sorry this chapter is so short, it's probably the shortest chapter I will ever upload. I couldn't really get what I wanted to from my head to the paper, so this is, unfortunately, all I have for the time being. I have a few more episodes until I get back to Cath's reaction, so I wasn't sure if I wanted to put the "date" up or not. Tell me what you think and I promise to update soon ;)_


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